Nothing is wasted in this furnace of God.
Life is expedited here, five years of growth
in one. "ALL things work together for good
to those who love God and are called according
to His purpose."
I believe the most important thing to God
is relationships. I realize that the enemy
hates reconciliation, and will do everything
to prevent that between us. BUT GOD!
It is so easy to make ministry, life, work,
chores, duties, more important than people,
and we can get caught up, and not realize we
have turned priorites upside down. People
is what God cares about!
I was made for "such a time as this." I am
exactly where I am supposed to be according
to the plan and purposes of God. I am honored,
privileged, and Joyful, that God would choose
me to carry His presence, His precious anointing
to His people. They will always be His! Selah.
We cannot disregard them!
When we have checks inside,
we must heed them. There is
a huge price to pay when we don't.
It's no small matter, when these arise
inside of us. Nothing to be shlugged off.
Little checks become huge problems,
this is why we must pay close attention.
Lessons are hard and painful, but we
must learn from them, if we don't
want to relive the same experience
over and over again. Selah.
Although we know what is right,
we can still have feelings that have
their own life. For us to think that
God doesn't care about them, if they
are not in line with His will, is a fallacy.
Feelings are exactly that. They show
that we are alive and well, connected
to our insides. The scarey thing is when
we are shut down, feel nothing, think
nothing, and do nothing. This is certainly
not a healthy place.
God is able to drag the sorriest soul out
of his pit, and bring him out into a spacious
place. There is nothing that is beyond God's
forgiveness, because He declared that His Son's
blood has made restitution for ALL of our sins,
past, present, and future. We only need to
receive this free gift from Him in Yeshua the
Messiah, sent by God Himself. Selah.
We get to a place, where this strong person
rising up within us says, "sorry", I will not
be a victim anymore! Many people in their
defense mechanisms want to intimidate us,
and want us to suffer if we don't respond
the way they hoped we would. We have been
guilty of it too.
I am so greatful that I have grown so much
where I can see where I was once intimidated
this way, but not anymore. I will not be
pushed around, manipulated, nor made to
feel guilty for not being the perfect responder.
I am not perfect, only God is.
How liberating to put the devil under my feet,
and stand up for myself, and put the enemy down,
and not fall into the same "familiar" patterns of old.
I recognize my healing and my overcoming,
and it's a Joy to see that no one can intimidate me
unless I allow it. Selah.
He's not a God of "what-if's."
He is clear, strategic, and intentional.
If ever we find ourselves thinking,
"but I don't want to miss God", yet
don't have a complete clearance in our spirit
to go forth and yet the voice of fear says to us,
"but what if I miss God?" I don't believe
this is the voice of God. It's the voice of fear,
and fear is not the how God speaks in this context.
God speaks in shalom, although His voice is often
the quieter voice we hear inside, He does infact
speak clearly. We may have to tune out the
onslaughts of all the other voices in order to discern
His. God speaks from within rising up from our inner
man, from our loins. The devil/world comes at our
thoughts from the outside into our head.
The precious voice of His spirit will lead us into all truth.
Fear should never be a motivator, unless it is the FEAR
of the Lord, not a worldy intimidating voice that will
move us in the wrong direction. Manipulation is in
fact a spirit from the pit, and it's mother is intimidation,
this is not from God. It can be difficult to discern at times.
That's why the Scriptures say, "let the shalom of God
be your decision maker."
I pray one day, I will get to the point where I will
not go, unless I hear, "Go", very clearly. Otherwise,
I'm not going. If we hear the voice, "but what-if I miss it?"
disgard it, it's not from God. God won't let His faithful ones
ever miss it. He does not desire to withold anything from
His loved ones, ever. It is His desire that we are clear and
sure of His will. Granted, there are many times that we
don't know for sure, and we must make a decision, such is life.
However, depending on the size of the decision and what is
at stake, should decide whether it's wise to move at all,
because of the consequences we can suffer if it's a wrong
choice. But if fear of "missing it" is the reason why
you move forward, without having heard a clear "yes",
there may be high price to pay personally, and I believe
God would like to spare us the harm, or danger we could not see
awaiting us in having made this "unclear" decision.
We can always refer back to this very wise scripture,
"Let the shalom of God be your decision maker." Selah.
I've tryed the other side,
fish out of water.
Stunned at the majority.
Such a huge decision to cross.
Now it is done.
Concerned I would miss "it".
Looking back, what a bust.
What is the moral of this story?
If there is no answer from above,
perhaps the answer is to pass.
Or fast and press in for a breakthrough.
Cannot allow confusion to come alive.
We're in a war, the devil is patient.
We must understand the strategy of our
opponent. We must cover ourselves at
all costs. I know who I am, and I need to
rejoice in that knowledge. If I had to
choose all over again, I doubt I would have
the same answer. But life moves forward,
not back. Selah.
Acceptance for being who we are is crucial.
It's accentuated to me today, as I had to
consider whether I was willing to hide my identity,
even to share the Love of God.
Generations of persecution for my very heritage
is alive and well today. As much as I want to do
what I was made to do, I cannot compromise living
in the light and in the fullness of who I am.
I suddenly realize how 'free' I really am living
in my nation, as the thought of crossing the line
in disguise, denying my very substance and bloodline
may have been a reality, confirming the need for MY country.
My enemy wants to keep me out of fellowship.
I can be all that I am, unique and set apart
and be completely "joined" to the Body of Messiah.
I realize that the voice of the enemy is to cause
me to isolate myself. It is through the blessings
of the Body that I receive times of refreshing through
the love they pour out on me, and in the midst of our
King. Yeshua is the Head of the Body, and He speaks
magnificently when His brothers and sisters lift Him up
in Praise and Adoration. He tangibly comes to us when
we unite in His name, to meet with Him and to see His face.
He is so pleased when we hold hands with one another
acknowledging that He loves us and came to set us free!
As we receive His supper, we can ask Him to heal any wounded
areas within us, both physical and emotional. It is an
opportunity to start over from that point on, and put ALL
things behind us. He said, "anyone who puts his hands to
the plow and looks back is not worthy of the kingdom of God."
As we come into this New Year, we look with expectancy to
what He will reveal to us as a corporate Body, and in our own
lives. He is faithful, and in His time He will speak into
our hearts and minds with His will, and His desires for us,
His people. Nothing is by happen-stance, God's timing is
right on time! Selah.
Which race are you running?
For whom are you running?
Are you living for yourself or for
the Glory of God? When I live to
please Him, I am filled with great Joy,
as that is His gift to me. He warned me
to guard it, at all costs.
The struggle to stay so closely hearing
the Master's voice, and not the one of the
world, even the Body of Messiah. I don't
want to "join" in, and forsake the unique
individual that I am. It's a fight to not get
caught up in the "doing". So many opinions
put on us, you can feel the pressure.
Laying down the law, that it is His law I will
follow, and in the way He leads me, not the
culture nor the community I am surrounded by.
I don't need to prove anything. I am already
accepted in my Beloved, forever more. There
is no need to compete, strive, push, nor impose.
He is my all and all, and He will direct, guide, and
open and close His doors as He sees fit! Selah.
Pressures rising in this high energy city.
Strong pull to keep up, and I simply don't want to.
Torn between the race, and laying back to the
beat of my own drum. I don't want to fit in.
I want to live my own way, appealing to God with
every step and decision, not man's. Shaking
off human's views and opinions, and taking on
Ha Shem's. Knowing I was made for His glory!
Welcoming the day with God,
gentle breeze reminding me
that He is ever present.
Soft sounds of the waves as
the sun rises from the east,
thanking God for His creation.
June 30, 2012
Lavished love pouring out all over me,
like a perfume that never runs out.
A whole new experience for this shell-
shocked foreigner. How long will it take
to sink in to my soul that I am genuinely
loved by a treasure so real and so sensitive
and so set apart by God just for me.
Written June 29, 2012
When all is said and done, and I've passed from this world to the next,
what am I leaving behind that is of any value to the generations to follow?
All that I have is my LOVE for God. My faith, undying love for my Creator.
My life I live for Him, and in Him, and through Him is what I carry in my heart.
He makes ALL things new! My love song is for Him, and His for me!
I am now in preparation for my life to come, He is the One preparing me for heaven.
My part is to say, "Yes". Have I surrendered all to Him? Am I clay in His hands?
If I submit all to Him, I can become all that He wants me to be. He is able.
He loves me, warts and all. He can do in me, what no one can ever do. Selah.
Magnet pulling
closed together
Intensity rising
emotions skyrocketing
Crash
Shrapnel everywhere
Guts splattered
Hearts in shambals
Joy lost in the trauma
Holy Words from God
restored my soul
Life moved on
but pulled back again
Eleven months later
revisiting God's home
Do I dare to treck this
way again, of shall I
travel another road?
Written September 2011
I realize the only way to heal is to go through the pain and suffering.
To lay it all down before Yeshua! To cry out to Him, and realize and
discover that it is only through Him that we can heal. Through the
crying comes the restoration. I realize that my walk with the Lord
can only grow deeper through pain and suffering. No one can truly
or fully understand the sacrifice of Messiah until they experience
having to lay down their life as He did.
Just when I think I cannot tolerate any more emotional pain the Lord
allows me to be broken again. I know that this present suffering will
mature me spiritually and deepen my trust and my faith in Messiah.
When all there is, is me and the Savior, I know I am connecting to His
heart and truly carrying my cross with Him. Thank you Yeshua for
carrying me and for breaking me so that I can truly become more like
you. I love You.
Written in September 1999
Working things through in the space of a day, no pressure
to "recover" in someone else's preconceived time.
Giving myself what I need to pass through one of the worst
times in my life. A horrific nightmare! God is good and He
will work ALL things together for good, because I love Him,
and am called according to His purpose! It is only because
of His never-ending grace that I can stand before Him
submerged in His saving blood that cleanses me and restores
my soul. He has all that I need, today and forever. Amen!
Joy like a river is our Portion
Yeshua reminded us to not let anyone
steal it from us. It is our strength and
our defense. Our adversary will continually
try to take it, but we must be on guard to
defend it. We need to get rid of whatever
would cause us to be downcast that is not
necessary in our lives. There are necessary
sufferings that only God knows are, however
others that are simply not. We need much
wisdom to disern each day of our lives what
to keep and what to throw away. If we give
our first fruits to our God each day, we can
walk the straight and narrow. He is with us
and His Joy protects us as we put on His armour
and rejoice in HIs goodness. "He is my defense
and I shall not be moved."
Wanting to have control over all of my thoughts.
Wanting to be strong, and focused. Not moved.
Then there is the reality that I am human, and
I waver and I have my ups and downs.
Nights are difficult, mornings are clear.
Lack of sleep doesn't help. Acceptance of
self is critical. Sad and wanting to let it all out.
Can't let the stream of thoughts consume me.
Discipline to stay straight on course, keeping
my energy with me. Worship time is the 'key'.
That's where the transformation happens and
I gain ground. That's where the breakthroughs are!
How will we ever identify with the suffering of our Messiah
if we haven't been to the cross ourselves?
Though it is a different persecution, it is still a dying to self
and having been a sacrifice on the alter of God.
It is only in this place, that we become "renewed" and
transformed into Him. Selah.
New Life goes forth
pressing into my beloved
Songs of deliverance bring
healing and restoration.
He is forever faithful
and no one shall ever
put out my light.
Amen!
After the anger comes mercy, what other position can we take?
God says in His word, "Vengence is mine." He is the judge of all
behaviour, and it is His business to call everyone to account.
Human emotions are such a hard thing to work through, such
an incredible challenge. But we are not alone. His presence
and comfort is with us! We just have to trust Him.
Staying focused on the straight path, keeping reality before me.
Thanking Him for His clarity, His direction, and His mercy.
One day at a time, He shall bring me through! Selah.
Breaking through to the light of the day!
New perspectives, new dreams, new thoughts.
Hiding myself in my Savior's arms, knowing
He has me covered, and He is reliable and true!
Each step represents a challenge we've passed through.
The question is, how many steps do we need to climb?
How long do we stay on each step before we go to the next?
Contemplating on a step for too long, brings it's consequences.
As each memory comes to mind of the trauma I am trying
to heal from, I ask God to to bring His Holy Spirit and heal
each memory, and please take each one away. I wonder why
He is bringing them all to my mind. It only brings pain.
I wonder how many people are walking around, in my
neighborhood only, who are shut down emotionally
because they don't want to feel their grief and sorrow.
We must go on, so we shut down. It's not the answer though.
It takes courage, tremendous courage, to face our feelings.
I used to think my feelings from my deepest wounds and traumas,
would kill me. I really thought I would die if I felt my feelings.
I did discover however, in time, that they didn't. Halleluyah!
One must step over the great divide to heal from these beliefs.
I thought I heard God one day in the early hours of the morning
specifically tell me who my husband was, but as it turns out,
it may not have been God's voice after all. Must be careful to discern.
Moving through on automatic pilot, until I can find my Joy again.
I know where it is, in my Beloved's arms. He's got it waiting for me.
Sleep would be refreshing, but I don't know when that will come.
In the meantime, I press through, and hang on with each breath of life.
Why do we think that life is supposed to go "smoothly"?
Where do we get this idea that we're to sail through life
untarnished with continuous happiness? Leaving us so
resistant to the tough times when they come. We don't want them.
I'm thankful that I know where to go when I am down and out.
There is no one who can "fix" my problems, and heal my wounds.
Only the Almighty One can mend my heart and relieve my sorrows.
However, I must learn from my mistakes, and be more careful with my heart.
Once again, I bow down before my maker, and surrender all.
There is nothing more painful than having had love, and lost it.
I want to move on, and put it all behind me. Unfortunately there
a grieving process, which I'd prefer to skip. Patience in suffering.
He holds the 'key" to my life in His hands. The scripture says
my days are numbered. Only He knows my destiny and how much time
I have on earth. But while I'm here, Lord help me to be discerning and
wise about my life, and my choices. Be pleased God with my offering.
There is much to learn from what we live through in our lives.
Most importantly, is that our hearts are so delicate, and were
meant to be guarded carefully, for God has put it inside us as a treasure.
We cannot treat it carelessly, as if there is always a "new" heart to
replace the crushed and stompled on one. There is only one for us.
We begin to look at our part in the crushing of our insides.
What can we learn from the position we now find ourselves in?
We begin to see what must be healed in ourselves, so we don't
find ourselves in this position again. Our insides are screaming
to be joined to another, for this is how God has made us. It is
a rare occasion that we meet someone who is set apart for celibacy.
However, in the midst of all the questioning, we begin to look at
our lives in the broad scope of things, and re-evaluate what we
really want for our lives. Is my will lined up with His? My creator.
If I ask Him to give me what He wants for my life, that's a safe place.
Worship is always the answer for pain, sorrow, hurt, and dissapointment.
He told me when I'm worshiping Him, He is taking care of everything. Selah.
Mercy versus stupidity. One needs clarity in this area.
Where do you draw the line between empathy and compassion
to co-dependency and entanglement? Much prayer is needed.
The scripture says, "Mercy triumphs over judgement".
Our Lord is compassionate and forgiving, but we do reap what
we sow. Our lives today are the consequences of our own free choice.
We always want someone to blame for our misfortunes. No one
wants to look at his own behaviour. It's too painful sometimes.
But we must take responsibility for our part. Our trusting, our decisions.
We must be so careful to not get "taken in" by other's manipulative ways.
We all have coping mechanisms, as unhealthy as they may be.
Hopefully we're moving forward to healthier ways of doing things.
At the end of the day, we must look at ourselves, and learn our lessons.
Living can be very painful during these horrific experiences we suffer.
Yet, I know the only release is to set the guilty party free, so I can move on.
Sometimes it feels as if there isn't any.
It amazes me how we don't recognize
it when we have plenty of it. When it
leaves, we surely notice. Every hair
on our head feels like it's standing up,
and we pray it will appear again.
"This too shall pass" is a popular saying.
I must remember the words in scripture,
"All things pass away", and press in
now for His heavenly grace to reappear
again. Lock into the Joy, it's only in Him.
Selah.
She believed with all of her heart, that it was a New Day.
She worked hard to breakthrough to get to the other side.
She looked so happy in all of her pictures.
She believed in Love. Little did she know, that there
was no future. She had been deceived.
She brought of all of her concerns to the table.
They were written off as angst and anxiety.
She tryed hard to breakthrough, as she was told
they were her issues causing these fears and insecurities.
In the end, it turned out, that it was her spirit women who knew.
What is the lesson in all of this? Never, ever, let anyone discard
or minimize your concerns, intuition, spirit sense, or knowing.
If fifty people tell you you are wrong in your estimation and discernment
of a situation, you follow your inner voice/spirit. The price is too costly.
I have been deeply devastated, and I pray that God will bring me through.
As I look to the Son, I am filled with inexpressible Joy!
He promised us this, but He told us to guard it, as
the evil one would try to steal it from us.
If I hide myself in Him, and seek His will for my life,
He will do more than I could ever imagine or conceive
possible. This is His Word.
When I give Him all, He will not hold back any good
thing from me. He delights in my trust and my
surrender to Him in everything. He is all together lovely!
The richness in my life comes from sowing into other's lives.
Not in living for myself. The Joy of fellowship and of being
a blessing to others causes me to grow and mature. When I
focus on giving to others and am thinking about how I can help
nuture their lives with God being my source of love, I help
them to walk into their greatest potential in God. It is in this
pouring out that I am most fulfilled in my life. Selah.
Being lifted higher to His heart, His thoughts, and His desires.
Always putting Him first will lift my spirits into union with Him.
He knows ALL things. Selah.
As I choose to turn my thoughts towards You Elohim, You
bring joy and restoration. Today I am trading my sorrows
for the Joy of my Lord. Yes Lord!
Someone wise once told me that, "No matter what a person says to you, if your spirit is saying something else regarding that issue, follow your insides."
I chose to believe what I was being told, the words, the promises, the prayers, and the actions. I had my doubts, anxieties, and insecurities, but was told it was "me".
Here I sit, devastated, and in unbelief, that I've been burned worse than I could have
imagined in my anxieties. This is not to be believed, yet, I must accept it.
I am baffled, flaberghasted, and shocked. How does one turn himself around into
someone else in an instant? Or was he never who he said he was? Haval.
We trust that God has made our friends solid, genuine, and sincere.
When they turn 180 degrees and become someone else we do not recognize
and abandon us, we cannot fathom this behavior and 'digest' this change of
heart. There is no congruency and no sense to it all. God is the only One
who can walk us through. There is no other answer. Selah.
Mind cannot believe the reality of what has happenned.
It's incomprehensible! Only God can walk me through.
Trying not to blame myself for trusting. How could I
have missed this? The fact remains, that the heart
can be so easily deceived. Lord, help me, I pray.
A wise person once said, "When you think there is something, there is something!"
Such simple words, such profound truth. Our spirits sense danger and we cannot
afford to ignore this voice. It is too critical for us to do so. The consequences are
too great and the damage is too deep. As we hide ourselves in Him, He alone can
heal these devastated places within our hearts. Selah.
All hell breaks loose to hinder the child of God.
Jealousies spit out from the pit to choke God's
divine purposes for His child's life. His love will
never allow the evil one's plots and schemes to
succeed, to one who's eyes are fixed on Him.
He is glorious in all of His majesty, and He protects
those who love Him. Selah.
