The Crushing

Often we can put the responsibility of our feelings
and sorrows on others.     It doesn't belong there.
It amazes me how blind we can be to our incognisance. 

Coming to terms with my own immortality, realizing 
I don't have forever on this earth.    Only God knows 
my last breath.    It causes one to be even more "awake."

So many emotions to navigate in this existence.
I find myself overwhelmed by the love God has placed
in my heart for close friends and family, yet longing for Him!  

I wish there was another route to take, to be refined by God.
But my continual experience in the Fire, has melded me 
to His bosom in a way I have never known before.   

God has brought me to the end of myself, so that I crave
His will, and desires for my life.    I am sold out for His 
plan for my life, though I continue to be challenged in my humaness.

Mountain tops

Every women wants a man to fight for her.
To be willing to leap over buildings, whether
it's in a single bound or not.    It's the effort 
that counts.    Putting his best leap forward.

When we "let -go", we shall truly see the will
of God for our lives.   Once we take our hands
off of His business, He can do His business for us.
He is faithful to the end.    Will we trust Him?

So many assets gained by waiting in the hours
of discipline.    Learning to rely on Daddy God
for His very best for us.    When we relinquish all
to Him, He is free to lavish us with His divine will.

When the voice rises up within us, that we have
to go after it, we need to shut it down immediately.
For that is the voice of interference and lies.
God can be trusted with our entire lives!   

Let us keep busy about our Father's business,
and in His time, He will bring about His ultimate
purpose for us.    He will not withhold any good thing
from His children.    He owns a cattle on a thousand hills!  

Fascination

Thoughts whirling in my head,

questions of salvation within another.

Our human understanding is so limited,

God surely has His ways.

His set-ups are the perfect ones.

We need to "let-go" of our judgements

and watch God work.   His ways are beyond

understanding.  

We must allow His creativity to permeate

in any and all situations.    He does always

surprise us indeed!   For He is God,

and there is none other!  

As we step out of the way, and watch Him

do his most perfect work, we shall find

that He had it covered all along, and His plans

are glorious and sure!   Selah.

Passing Through

"A flower of the field is here today and gone tomorrow".
We spend so much time worrying about our so called cares and
concerns, and seem to always forget, we may not have tomorrow.

My friend.  He was liked by so many.  He was soft.  Gentle, 
and enjoyed being the center of attention.     I don't know how
to "handle" or "feel" my emotions now.   How do I process his loss?  

Here today, gone tomorrow.  He is no longer on this earth. 
He is ascended to the heavens to be welcomed by God's angels.
I pray He had the most incredible greeting from all the heavenly hosts.

I realize it is so important to appreciate our loved ones when they are here.
He was a good man.   He was kind and caring.   He loved God.   
He wanted to be loved by another

He was scared, but yet He wanted love.

Lord, please help us all here feel our feelings of his absence now, 
accept our grief, pray for His family, and release Him to your care.
Father, you have your reasons I simply don't understand.     Selah.

Laying it down

The practice of continually laying it down.
We get into a discipline that benefits us
if we would repeatedly give it to the Father.

He is so patient, loving, and kind.
He has been longing to cradle us in His arms.
It is a Love that is free, and not forced, always will be.

Forgiveness is Key.   In order to truly know the Father,
we must give up our bitterness, resentments, and 
self-righteousness.    Our sense of entitlement bring us down.

If we want to start over, we must release all those
who have hurt and offended us.    We have the key that
unlocks the door to our freedom.   Will we choose to use it?

I want to start over.  I want to have all that my God has 
for me in this life.  I want to sow seeds in heaven and watch
them blossom!     I choose to lay down all the hurt for my destiny!   

Jewels

Treasures held within my heart
Lasting memories that are 'unique'.
We move on past the bad, and store
up the good.   Each one leaves a sparkle.

When we leave this earth, we carry
our special treasures with us.  Who knows
what is beyond this place?   What heaven is like?
Though we live for eternity, we tuck our jewels in.

When we discard the bad, it is important that we
treasure the moments that helped to mature us
into what God was aiming for all along.    We are 
always responsible for our part, that will never change.

Breakout!

Questions for Life.
Being faithful with what's been given.
Exploring the gifts God has deposited.

Staying on the path.
Following through on the call.
Responding to the unique destiny.

Pressing through towards the goal.
Not allowing distractions to cause a fall.
Holding on to the voice of the Bridegroom.

Listening for words of the Father.
Loyalty to His commission.
Going all the way with Him!   

Transformation

Changing times and transformations!   
Character shift over the decades.
Non-recognizable.   Memories bizarre!  

Watching the waves of change,
Growing into maturity.   
Process is unfolding continually.

Surreal shifts over time, 
180 degree turns,
God makes the day!    

Pouring Out

Everything rises up to a great crescendo.
If this didn't happen I suppose we'd be dead.

The ebb and the flow of our lives is natural
so why do we have such difficulty accepting that?   

The tension of everyday living in the "furnace" 
is not without it's glistening luster after a trial.
We will never be the same after our "tried" encounter
with God's lessons.   He is behind it all, He says, "Yea" or "Ne".

The struggle "kicking against the goads", is very much 
a part of this journey, though I'd prefer to "skip" that altogether.
Thankfully, I am maturing, though in the midst of the tumult
I cannot see that.  It is only in the aftermath.   Encouragement returns!  

Rest

Breathe.  For many of us it is a great challenge to embrace our feelings.
We put all kinds of "expectations" on ourselves that add to the difficulty
of "feeling".    If only I could remember to BREATHE.

Each decade can be a new beginning.  A time for a complete change.
Just when I think I am coming into myself, time marches on, and 
I feel as If I'm coming into myself, "again".   

The inner struggle of this life can become very overwhelming.
What does such a sensitive heart do?    I see so much brokenness
on the city streets, and it hurts so much!    Lord, please take me up.

I am here for a purpose.  Though sometimes, the pressure becomes
so great.   Pending dreams of so many decades, isn't it time to pursue?
You cannot touch what you do not grasp.   God is ever faithful.  Selah.

Honor

We need to respect our friend's position.
Where they are at, and what they are capable of.
This is the Love Messiah Yeshua was referring to
when He spoke to His disciples.

Though He didn't say that directly,
Love equals respect, and to Love means
to honor where an individual is in their own 
relationship with their God.   

Self-righteousness is a Sin.   Sin is sin stated
in the bible.    Don't we each have enough issues
to bring to the Lord, that we should not be taking
another's inventory?  We are not God.

As the years go on, things of the spirit become
clearer, and more maturity sets in.  To Love is 
the goal of the Kingdom of Heaven.    If we could
accomplish this one thing, we are living epistles.

To Love is the encapsulation of God.  He is all 
merciful, compassionate, gracious, patient, and Good!  
To die to oneself, to put on the character of God is 
the greatest achievement we could have in this earthly life.

The Squeeze!

Pressures rising, with the picture of smoke coming out of my head!  
The squeeze is on, but it all must come up, to come out!  
God is faithful, and He is always there to answer and uphold.
He's simply waiting for His children to turn to Him, and hear His will.  Selah.

Resolution

Is there one?   How many years does one have to sift in attempts to resolve?
Where is the relief, and when does the healing and wholeness come?
How can we "let go" of so many questions, and heartache?  
When can we put it to bed?   When can we know that we will be restored?

No one wants to jump into the fire, nor reopen old wounds.
But are they "old'?   That's the problem, they still feel "new".  
The Only One who can heal devastated hearts is Abba himself, Daddy God.
He sure does have a way of keeping us close to Him in total dependency!  

Answers

The answer to good health and happiness is to be a giver!  
To be ready and available to lavish the Father's love onto His children.

When we make ourselves the center of our lives, it's very dangerous.
That pattern gets deeper and deeper, slipping into isolation.

This is not the plan of God, because it is a separation of man from God.
As God gave to us in giving us new life in Messiah Yeshua (Jesus).

"God so loved the world, that He GAVE His Only Begotten Son..."
If we follow Yeshua's example of giving, we shall indeed be filled with Joy!  

When we do things God's way, we shall never be disappointed.  
We must lay it all down, and take up the "giving" nature of Yeshua.

In Him, we can be truly satisfied.  As we join our spirit to His through 
worship, we come into a peace that is heavenly, and we are fulfilled.  Selah.

In the Air

When our feet come down to earth, and we realize there is no perfect person,
we may find ourselves growing into a maturity we've never known.  

This is truly a time of learning, and discovering the reality of things.
Perhaps this unrealistic expectation has been a smokescreen for fear.

Going deeper into the heart of Daddy God, and realizing His love is all
encompassing, flaws and all.    He loves us unconditionally, we must know.

When we surrender to Him, we can learn to do the same with others.
It is only through Him, that we can lavish this love to His children.

We are on equal footing, we are all lost without Him.   The longer I 
walk with Him, the more I realize how utterly dependent on Him I need to be.

He is my everything!   My hope, my Joy, my restoration, my healing, my 
wholeness, my deliverance, my happiness, and the Lover of my Soul!  

Better Place

It is in our giving, that the world becomes a better place!  

Through giving, our hearts are positioned to bless others.

As a result, our hearts are being healed from selfishness.

There is no reward for putting ourselves first.  It is always

a dead end.   It only brings us deeper and deeper into isolation.

Protecting what we think we have, and not wanting to loose it.  

"We love because He first loved us."  Yeshua (Jesus) is our 

example.   When we give, we are immediately rewarded in our hearts.

We are filled with God's love, each time we give.  This is His expression.

When will we realize, that all that we have belongs to Him?   

If we can hold things lightly, realizing He can remove and take away

anytime He likes.   We have simply be made stewards of these gifts. 

"It is in refreshing others that we are refreshed!"  When we give

the gift of love coming down from the Father, we are filled with 

inexpressible Joy, this is His language, and we are to be His expression!  

New Day

There comes a time in our lives
when we have to "step out on the edge"
and throw ourselves into LIFE!   

We cannot control our situations, 
or even the assets or defects of another.
Can we really love without conditions?

I am convinced that "covenant" must
be established, if we are going to love
with God's unending love.

No one wants to walk the road of the cross,
yet, this is truly where maturity comes.
Sacrificial love is the way of Calvary.

Standing with someone through the thick and
thin, is "covenant" love.    Are we prepared to do that?
"Let us examine our ways, and return to the Lord."

Moving On

Does this really happen?   Can we really move on?  
I believe in my mind we can, but what about in our hearts?

When the heaviness comes, the weight of the clouds,
it doesn't feel as if we'll pass through this storm.  

Yet, my life experience tells me, that "Joy always comes
in the morning."   But it is only out of the mourning.

We can't really be real, if we haven't touched the grief,
and brought it before the Father to bring comfort to our hearts.

I'm betwixt and between.   I know there is much significance
to my particular struggle, yet I don't understand it.  

May I never give a "antidote scripture" to someone's pain
and heartache.  May I respond in love to the heart cry of His beloved.

The only place left to go is to Daddy.   It is only at His footstool
that I find peace of mind and heart.   In His presence is my rest!  

Longing

"My heart longs for you, in a dry and weary Land 
where there is no water."

In our humanness, we long to belong.   I do 
long to share my heart with another.  

It's in this hard place, that we can identify with 
the loneliness of our Beloved Lord when He suffered.

It is true, that we will never suffer just as He did,
but we surely can know human suffering.   

I find the greatest challenge can be getting totally
vulnerable before the Father.  That's where my healing lays. 

What am I believing about myself and others?  What am
I believing about the Father's love for me?

Once again, I must press through the struggle and find
my Joy and Peace in Him, the Only One who can supply it!  

Mourning

The language of loneliness speaks from the deepest places.
We can know ourselves intimately by the way our bodies speak.
I never realized how true this statement is, but I am here.

I am surprised that I can learn by things I never would have imagined.
When will we let the Creator of all that we are, into our very depths?
I never knew how connected I really was until now.  Praise Your name!

When is it time that we get on our faces and pour it all out to the author of life?
I know He's been waiting all along for this moment, when there is no other turn.
The answer is not in a person, but in the loving arms of Daddy, loving completely!

Heidi Bell

Temperatures rising, no control of emotions.
Surrendered at the Cross, for only He knows the future!  

Leaving intellect and rationale behind.   
Obstacles to get through to submission.

Knowing the end from the beginning, 
trusting in the Living God!   He is the only security.

We always have the choice, to "live" or stay 
in what appears "safe", what a lie!   

It is only in the arms of our Beloved, 
that security lays.  In the meantime, God give courage!  

Core

Selfishness at the Core.
So afraid of loosing oneself,
that we cannot give up ourselves 
to be there for another.  

This is a common phenomena,
baffling yet sad and sorrowful.  
More and more I realize there
is nothing good in me, apart from God.

In our sin nature, there is only sickness.
The only way out of it, of ourselves, is
reaching into the heart of the Father, 
where love is.  It is in Him, that we find life.

We were made for relationships, yet
our very bent is to stay out of them,
fixed on ourselves and our desires.
This is truly a dead end!  

Jesus said, "I have made ALL things new."
Every day life is a new start in Him.
There is simply nothing going on without Him.
Nothing that is of any value or significance.

We are saved by the blood of the Lamb.
It is only His sacrificial blood that He 
poured out for humankind, that we have a
chance to live a new life, one of Love and Kindness.

The Scriptures say, that if anyone thinks he is
without sin, he is lying to himself and living in darkness.
The only real everlasting Joy and Hope in this life
is to place all of our trust in the One who did it all for us! 

Virtue

Profound creations come from waiting.
It's in the waiting, that we are most ripe
for fresh revelations and breakthroughs!  

I have learned to wait, when once it was
very difficult.   It's a maturing process
I believe.    Much fire brings the ability to wait.

This road has not been easy, but I can surely
say I am not what I once was.  I am so much
better, and yet, there is still more progress to come!  

Face to Face

If Love is truly Love, we cannot toss it away
as if it is dispensable.  We want to stop the pain,
but moving through the pain with God's help,
we can then grow into who we are destined to be
in Him!   Shortcuts never bring us there.  Selah.  

One Heart 2

When love is true
we have no control
over this fact.

Two hearts drawn
together as one.
One Heart.

Connection

It beats like thunderous storms.
Desperate for the connection of His own.
It teaches me what is truly in my heart
and I surrender to destiny.

Everlasting Love

I've tried to put our love behind me, 
but to no avail.  So many years have passed
and it's as if my heart was hidden away and locked up.

I find myself "surprised" that my love for you
is still intact, as if it was frozen in time.  I thought
it was destroyed and I could live without you.

Now I have discovered it remains and I must surrender
to it.  The very essence of Love we have no control over.
It simply IS.  Selah.  

Independence

I'm convinced that the tension in any given situation
is what propels us forward, IF we allow it to.  
This is the challenge of all our experiences.

If there was a never a challenge, we would not grow.
We would become lethargic and passive.  Challenge
is what God uses to bring us up higher, to maturity.  

It is in this uncomfortable place, that we eventually 
realize we must surrender ourselves to His Lordship.
Then we can allow Him to do His most perfect work within us.

We are constantly reminded that we are not in control.
We are presented with circumstances which are the 
result of our choosing, and not always God's leading.

Slowly slowly, we lift our hands high and ask the King
of Glory to take the reins and lead us on into peace.
He's the only One who possesses it.  It is supernatural.

We must find the balance of living as a surrendered
human being, and yet be continually filled by His Spirit.
We were meant to embrace all of our emotions and our Spirit.

On this Independence day I am reflecting on where He has
taken me from, where He has brought me to, and knowing
that He is preparing me for my final home in Heaven!  

   

Inevitable

Does Love ever die?  
We can move to the most remote part
of the earth, and still it is with us.

We can break vows, and do our best
to start again, but it seems to follow us.
We wonder what God is doing in these times?

It always comes down to the same thing, surrender.
We have to let go, and stop trying to "do" everything
ourselves.  As if we had the power over eternal things.

It is by the spirit, that our healing comes, and submitting
to God "in all things", we shall find our way.  It is in complete
rest that He is doing His work in us, it is not by our own strength! 

Selah.

Mind set

The way we view life is all in our choosing.
Though we have been conditioned to perceive
things in a certain light, it is never too late to make a change!  

I believe it's a sickness to always see another as more
fortunate, more blessed, favored more than oneself.
The enemy of our souls is the one who keeps us in this mind set.

The world is our oyster, if only we would see it that way.
Envy and Jealousy "rots the bones", according to the bible.
We must be willing to look within and check our judgments.  

The devil is a sneaky foe.   He continually slips lies upon lies
into our minds, without us knowing, and we buy into these beliefs.
Most of us don't know we've been taken captive by our adversary.

It's never too late to begin again!  To become aware that anything
that does not line up with, "My God loves me", is a false statement
and must be discarded at once, before swallowing it into your heart.

The tension of life is what God uses to mature us into His image.
It must be there for us to move up to the next level of victory 
and overcoming.    It is in the furnace, that we are refined!   Selah.

Shell-shocked

When you don't know what you feel,
because the trauma went in so deep.
You continue on automatic pilot,
until your body gets your attention.

You don't want to drag it with you,
yet, it's so messy working through it.
The excitement of the revelation of
what it all means, more healing to come.

Trudging through the difficult times,
transitioning back to ordinary life. 
Sweet times with my Lord is my food
and inspiration.   He awaits me now!   

Support

How do we survive without the fellowship of the saints?  
We were made in the image of God, for the Glory of God.
He created us to fellowship with Him forever, shouldn't it
follow, that we then are to fellowship with His people?

We were in fact made for relationships.   How does anyone
live emotionally without the input, love, support, and 
nurturing of others?    We were never made to live inside
our own bubble, without any stimulation from others.

My heart feels alive when I am in active relationships.
I believe with every ounce of me that this is God's priority,
and it ought to always be mine.   It's so easy to get out 
of balance, and simply be a work-a-holic.   

God allows us to fall out of step so that we can see what
has happened in ourselves, and return to His priority.
I am convinced that He allows bad things to happen so
that we can remain humble and on level ground with others.

Whatever it takes for God to keep our hearts soft and malleable,
He is willing to allow, so that we can return to His heart, the 
things that are so important and precious to Him.  Since 
I've given my life to Him, I want my will to line up with His!  

Substance

Through much endurance, things become beautiful.
If only, we embrace the hardships along the way.

The sweet fragrance of having been refined through
life's trials.   This is where maturity is formed.

I am convinced that the devastations we have suffered
do build for us a foundation of mercy and compassion.

I see clearly now that it is irrelevant how others behave,
in that it comes down to what is the position of our hearts?

What is our attitude and thoughts?   God is seeking a pure
heart filled with His love and tenderness, despite evil.

We're living in a time, where growth is accelerated, and
we must seriously look at our own heart inclinations.

If only we would allow the Creator to mold us like clay
into the Beloved we are called to be, we shall yet be BEAUTIFUL.