Top shelf

When we say we are dealing with life, are we really?  Or have we just put the painful feelings away in a compartment, along with all the other uncomfortable things we don't want to face?   I ask myself this.  Where did the shock of the trauma go?   Where have I put it?   Have I talked about it with someone who is interested in listening to me?  Have I written about it?  Have I cryed about it?  Have I talked to G-d about it?  Have I sat in the pain of these feelings?   This is a great challenge for me.  Sitting with painful feelings.  I never learned how to, until 2000, when I walked into the rooms of Al-anon.   It's been a process, and I have reclaimed my life.   However the last two years plus, I haven't had the opportunity to attend these meetings, as I've been in survival mode.  My G-d has taken me on such an incredible adventure here, and I am no longer running to and fro, looking for "something".  I've learned how to be a homebody, and I love it.  For the first time in my life, I don't feel the need to run.  I believe it is because I am finally home!