JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!

Sometimes, we must allow ourselves the sleep and the rest that we need.
Sometimes, it can feel as if we are sinking lower and lower into a black hole.
Sometimes, it's ok to go there because we are never alone in it, God is there.
Sometimes, it's necessary to go there so that we can come up again into Joy!  

Realization

What do you do when you realize
you do not mean the same to someone
as they have meant to you?  

You keep swallowing and swallowing
the pain and disappointment but it still 
continues. We all have a threshold. 
,
For someone like me it's very hard to 
not pursue, initiate and fix.  It's part of 
who I've always been.  I need to drop the ball.  

You see when we do that, we really get clear
vision as to the desire of the other person.
Or maybe they're just used to us holding it together.

I don't feel honored, in fact I feel very much the opposite.
It's time to talk.  They don't have to like what I have to say,
after all, they're only feelings, they're not facts.  

My feelings represent my heart and that matters to God, 
despite how it effects the other person.  I don't live for their
acceptance and approval but for God's.   He cares.  

Father, please lead me to the right words and the right timing.
This is not an accusation but simply an expression of my feelings.
I thought we were each other's best friend, but I guess not. 

Home

Can we find a home within ourselves?  
Can we find the love of God within our hearts?
No matter where we are, we need to aim for finding
a place to call home within our own lives.  

The biggest challenge is looking within ourselves
and touching the deepest pains of our life.
We spend our lives running and running as if we 
could escape it.   The healthiest thing is actually facing it.

We need to have a very strong foundation to not cave in
to peer pressure all around us.   We need to hold onto our
unique person in the midst of the pressure of mainstream
society putting the crunch on to assimilate.  

There is just one of each of us, so it is critical that we do not
succumb to conformity and betray the individual God has 
created within us for His Glory and purposes.    We must stand
strong in this fallen world and hold on tight to our Savior.  

God has designed such a beautiful creature in each of us, 
and we truly need to embrace who that is, at all costs.  
"I shall not die but I shall live to see every purpose of God 
fulfilled in my lifetime!"   To life - L'Chaim!   

No escape

All my life I ran away, trying to escape my pain
only to find that it is still here, staring me between the eyeballs.

I see clearly the root of it now, and I realize I desperately need to grieve
the loss of what I unfortunately never received as a child from my father. 

Of course I drew all the wrong men into my life because it was just a repeat
of what I was accustomed to growing up with, emotional neglect and abandonment. 

The worst part of it is, the feelings the neglect left me with.  Not just with never having the proper attention from my birth mother, but most especially from my father.

I realize today, that He had no tools, but I am definitely not make excusing for him.
How is it that I am of this age and still do not have a close relationship with him?

I must grieve what I never had, forgive him, and look to my heavenly Father for 
the value within myself that He has placed upon me.  This is the hardest thing.

Having to learn what I mean to my Father in heaven.  That the feelings I have been 
left with from abandonment and neglect is not my Heavenly Father's value of me.

It is very difficult to break through because my imprint from life experience has
no resemblance of God's feelings and value of me.   Father help me!  

I must be delivered from these terrible feelings deep within my soul.  That I am nothing.  I have no value. That I am not good enough, nor worthy enough to be loved.  
I need the healing of the Father and nothing else will do.   I need to forgive my father
and release Him to you Father.  I must grieve my loss and look to you now!   Selah.

Ebb and Flow

Oftentimes we wish we were just one consistent way.
In the past, I had found myself saying, "This isn't who I am",
or "This isn't like me."   But the truth is, the sooner we can
accept that that we are many ways, and not just, "one way",
we can on with the business of life!  

The problem comes when we refuse to accept the "unhappy"
part of ourselves.  We are really rejecting the unhealed parts
of ourselves, and only accepting the "happy" parts.  This is
not loving nor kind.  The way I look at it is, in this world there
is much hardship, and the very least we can do is be good to ourselves.

Self-love, self-care, self-respect, etc.,, are critical for each of us
to have a successful life.   What does that mean?   For me, "success"
is measured by the love I can extend to God, myself, and others. 
If I do not love myself with the Love God has put within my heart
I certainly will not be successful in loving others.  

Let's make the decision today to unlearn wrong beliefs about ourselves,
but beginning with wrong beliefs about God which spiral into our 
everyday lives onto ourselves and others, and to replace them with
the truth of God's love for us!   This is critical in having a successful life.
Let's "put off" the old and "put on" the new.   Our role is to acknowledge
the lies we have believed about God which have effected our lives, and
get a right understanding of who He is, His Love for us, and begin anew!  

Bus

When the life has been knocked out of you
from unexpected disappointment,
it can truly throw into a tailspin.

The only way out of this shock 
is to surrender it to God.  
There is simply no time for this derailment.  

Why are we here again?  Why this disappointment again?
I see that the change needs to happen within me.
How do I guard my own heart from this repeated sorrow?

I see my pattern is to pour out all my love
but when the other person is not the same
it's just not a safe place to be.  

I will always be responsible for my heart,
so I need to do things differently.
I wish I could get away from the pain of disappointment.

As long as I realize that I need to take responsibility
for my own feelings and I need to make right decisions
for myself, I hope to advance forward into healthy decision making.

Disappointment

I don't think that pain is something we are supposed to live with.  
There is unavoidable pain I suppose, but I am not referring to that.
What I am addressing is,  due to the self-esteem we have had, or not had for that matter we continue on in unhealthy relationships.   This pain from these
relationships is what I am referring to.   

Something has to be done.   We cannot continue on feeling dishonored by 
our friends.  I understand that it has nothing to do with ourselves in this
matter when they never really have honored us.   We have simply put up 
with this for way too long.    God is not glorified in this.   It brings him only
grief and sadness.   If He honors us, He would want us to honor one another.

We have all the power in the world over our own decisions.  This God has 
given to us.  We have got to make "right" decisions for our lives.   God gives
us free choice and that will always be ours.   Let's talk with God about our
unhealthy relationships and ask Him how to proceed in our best interest.
Though it may be scary to confront our loved ones, we must be true to God 
by being true to ourselves and take good care of ourselves!   Selah.